front 1 How do we develop relationships? | back 1 - Investing our time in pursuing communication - Sharing joint activities - Engaging in deeper reciprocated self-disclosure |
front 2 Interpersonal Needs Theory | back 2 The premise that all of us have inclusion, affection, and control needs that we try to meet through our relationships, although our need for each of these varies in degree from person to person |
front 3 Inclusion Need | back 3 Our desire to be in the company. of other people |
front 4 Affection Need | back 4 Our desire to love and be loved |
front 5 Control Need | back 5 Our desire to influence the events and people around us and to be influenced by others |
front 6 Social Exchange Theory | back 6 The premise that we continue to develop a relationship as long as we feel that its reward outweighs its cost and we perceive that what we get from a particular relationship is more than we would be able to get if we invested elsewhere |
front 7 Relationship Costs | back 7 Negative outcomes to a relationship, including the time and energy we spend developing a relationship and the negative experiences the may arise, like hurt feelings, conflict episodes, jealousy |
front 8 Relationship Rewards | back 8 Positive outcomes to a relationship, including basic relationship needs for affection, control, and inclusion met |
front 9 Communication in Developing Relationships | back 9 Developing any relationship occurs over time and through the self disclosure process. As we dispose more and learn that our partner is trustworthy we deepen our relationship. |
front 10 Guidelines for Self-Disclosure | back 10 1. Self-disclose the kind of information that you want others to disclose to you 2. Self-disclose information appropriate for the type of relationship you have 3. Self-disclose more intimate information only when you believe the disclosure represents and acceptable risk 4. Be sensitizer to your partners ability to absorb your disclosure 5. Continue intimate self-disclosure only when it is reciprocated |
front 11 XYZ Model for Managing Conflict | back 11 When you do X (behavior) Y happens (consequences) and I feel Z (feelings) |
front 12 'Donts to the XYZ Model | back 12 - Don't attack the persons character - Don't use "always" and "never" words - Don't assume you know the other persons motivations - Do not call the other person names |
front 13 The Active Listening Process | back 13 - Attending (paying attention) - Understanding - Remembering |
front 14 Guidelines to Improve Attending | back 14 1. Get physically and mentally ready to pay attention 2. Make the shift from speaker to listener a complete one 3. Stay tuned in |
front 15 Guidelines and Skills for Improving Understanding | back 15 1. Identify the speakers purpose and key points 2. Interpret nonverbal cues 3. Ask clarifying questions to get further information or to remove uncertainty from information already received 4. Paraphrase what you hear. Verify your understanding of a message by putting it into your own words and sharing it with the speaker |
front 16 When asking clarifying questions... | back 16 - Be specific - Be sincere - Limit questions or explain that you have several - Put the "burden of ignorance" on your own shoulders, taking the blame for your not knowing |
front 17 Content Paraphrase | back 17 Conveys your understudying of the denotative meaning of a verbal message |
front 18 Feelings Paraphrase | back 18 Conveys your understanding of the emotional meaning behind a speaking verbal message |
front 19 What Makes Remembering Difficult | back 19 1. Our personal listening style causes us to filter out parts of the message 2. Stress 3. Passive listening 4. Selective remembering 5. The placement of information in the message |
front 20 Primary Effect | back 20 The tendency to remember information that we heard first over what we heard in the middle |
front 21 Recency Effect | back 21 The tendency to remember information that we heard last over what we heard in the middle |
front 22 Guidelines for Improving Remembering | back 22 1. Repeat what was said 2. Create mnemonics 3. Take notes |
front 23 Mnemonic Device | back 23 A learning technique that associates a special word or short statement with new and longer information |
front 24 Guidelines for Effective Conversationalists | back 24 1. Focus on your partner 2. Engage in appropriate turn taking 3. Maintain conversational coherence - relationships your comments to previous ones 4. Protect Privacy 5. Engage in ethical dialouge 6. Choose appropriate humor |
front 25 Supportive Climate | back 25 A conversational environment in which recipients feel comfortable disclosing their problems and emotions |
front 26 Creating a Supportive Climate | back 26 1. Emphasize your desire and availability to help 2. Promise and keep confidentiality 3. Convey acceptance and affiliation - help them save face - communicate that you care no matter what 4. Convey warmth and caring nonverbally 5. Promote elaboration with questions and brief responses |
front 27 Validating Emotions | back 27 1. Acknowledge the negative emotion 2. Legitimate the experience of the emotion 3. Encourage discussion of the emotion |
front 28 3 Approaches to Communication Rights and Expectations | back 28 1. Passive Approach 2. Aggressive Approach 3. Assertive Approach |
front 29 The Passive Approach | back 29 - Concealing your feelings rather than voicing your rights and expectations others - Sometimes appropriate, sometimes harmful, limits closeness |
front 30 The Aggressive Approach | back 30 - Verbal Aggression (attacks) - Argumentativeness (defending/attacking reasoning in a respectful manner) - Flaming (used through social media) - Passive Aggressive Behavior (indirectly) |
front 31 The Assertive Approach | back 31 Influencing others without damaging relationships (honest and not hostile) |
front 32 Destructive Conflict Patterns | back 32 - Principle of Negative reciprocity - Serial Arguing - Counter Blaming - Cross Complaining - Demand Withdrawal - Mutual Hostility |
front 33 Principle of Negative Reciprocity | back 33 Repaying negative treatments with negative treatment |
front 34 Serial Arguing | back 34 Partners argue about the same issue multiple times |
front 35 Counter Blaming | back 35 You blame your partner for causing or forcing you to do what they accused you of doing (shifting responsibility) |
front 36 Cross Complaining | back 36 Partners trader unrelated criticisms |
front 37 Demand Withdrawal | back 37 One partner consistently demands while other consistently withdrawals |
front 38 Mutual Hostility | back 38 Partners trade increasingly louder verbal abuse |
front 39 Apologize | back 39 Acknowledge responsibility, express regret or remorse, request forgiveness. Try to make up for the problem. |
front 40 Characteristics of Successful Long Term Relationships | back 40 - Mutual respect - Mutual long-term goals - Comfortable level of closeness |
front 41 Maintaining Intimacy | back 41 - Demonstrate positivity - Express assurance - Continue self-disclosure - Demonstrate understanding - Talk about the relationship - Integrate social networks - Share tasks |