Interpersonal Conflict

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created 4 years ago by Samantha_Polonis
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COM 306 @ Oakland University w/Debbie Youngquist 2016
updated 4 years ago by Samantha_Polonis
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1

Designated Power

Comes from position

2

either/or power

aka distributive power

power over/against the other party

3

both/and power

aka integrative power

assumes all parties in a dispute have power, dominance, or that they force someone into a low-power role

4

power denial

reluctance to talk about power;

deny you communicated something, deny something was communicated, deny you communicated something to the other person, deny a situation even existed

5

relational theory of power

power is a product of the commmunication relationship

6

power currencies

depends on what the other person values in relational context (RICE)

7

What does RICE stand for?

resource control, interpersonal linkage, communication skills, and expertise

8

resource control

often results from formal position

9

interpersonal linkage

your contacts and network of friends

10

communication skills

leading a group in decision making process, speaking persuasively, write about, mediate between people = power

11

expertise

skills/knowledges someone elses values; people are often unaware of their productive power

12

Where is there power in organizations?

-in an authority position

-have control over resources valued by others

-bring problems and resources together at the same time

-not centrally connected in work flow of organization

-have successfully used one's own power

-not easily replaced

13

What are negative aspects of power in organizations?

-it defines resources too narrowly

-puts too much emphasis on the source of influence

14

T/F

The perception of power is almost always unaccurate

True

15

T/F

Low power will corrupt you

False

High Power

16

T/F

Low power continually makes moves to increase power

True

17

Power-Dependence Relationship

As one person gains dependence on their s/o, the s/o's power increases

18

Calm Persistence

low power can gain equal power by persisting in their requests of the higher power person

19

Empowerment

3rd parties intervene on power relations

20

T/F

High power continually makes moves to increase power

False

21

T/F

High power will corrupt you

True

22

Metacommunication

(talking about talking)

speaking about communication

23

What are the 4 types of goals?

Topic, relational, identity/face saving, process

24

Topic Goals

What we want

Conflict= people want the same thing, people want different things

25

T/F Relational Goals are the easiest to identity and tell others about

False

Topic Goals

26

Relational Goals

who we are in relation to each other

defines how a person wants to be treated and the amount of interdependence a person wants

27

What are the six features of conflict goals?

1. not all types of goals emerge in all disputes

2. interests and goals overlap with one another and differ in primacy

3. Identity and relational issues are the drivers of disputes; they underlie topic and process issues (relational and identity goals almost always interact)

4. in a serious dispute, topic-only solutions are rarely satisfying to conflict parties

5. conflict parties often specialize in one kind of goal

6. goals may emerge in a different form

28

What are the three types of "changing goals"?

Prospective, transactive, and retrospective

29

Prospective Goals

your goals BEFORE INTERACTION

(when you clarify these, you get prepared and say "I can do this!")

30

Transactive Goals

your goals DURING INTERACTION

31

Retrospective Goals

your goals AFTER INTERACTION

(looking back gives us clarity)

32

Goal Clarity

gives suggestions for better articulating and working with goals to improve conflict

*is a key step in conflict management

33

Why is goal clarity important (4 reasons)

1. solutions go unrecognized if you don't know what you want

2. only clear goals can be shared

4. clear goals can be altered easier than vague goals

4. clear goals are reached more often than unclear goals

34

Characteristics of collaborative goals (5)

1. short-, medium-, and long-range issues are addressed

2. goals are behavior specific

3. statements orient toward present and future

4. goals recognize interdependence

5. collaborative goals recognize an ongoing process when conflict parties work together to clarify goals and specify what conflict is/not about, destructive conflicts subside

35

What are the 3 orientations to power?

Designated, distributive, and integrative

36

Interpersonal Power

the ability to influence someone in any context b/c they percieve you have control over resources they need, value, desire, or fear

ability to resist the influence of a partner

37

What are the bases of power currencies?

reward, coercive, legitimate, referent, and expert

38

consequences of high power

taste for power and restless pursuit of more power as an end in itself

tempted to use resources illlegally for self enrichment

false feedback to protect power

devalues less powerful and avoids conflict with them

39

Common passive agressive behaviors

forget appointments, promises and agreements

slip and say unkind things, then apologize

act out nonverbally (slam door, but nothing's wrong)

get confused, tearful, sarcastic, or helpless when certain topics arise

dual-scheduling

get sick when you promise to do something

evade situations so others are inconvenienced

40

Explanations for common conflict metaphors

conflict is warlike and violent (offense/defense strategies)

conflict is bullying (feeling worse afterwards)

conflict is a garden (a bunch of topics are brought up)

ETC.

41

reactive behavior

once a destructive conflict begins spiraling all behavior is reactive

42

estimating the other's goals

propels our choice, perception of their ideas

43

collaborative goals

checklist for good goals

44

Lens Model of Conflict

communication behaviors and the perceptions of them

self, other, and relationship

45

Filters

pinpoint behaviors based on differences as percieved by the respondents; how they see themselves

46

self-in-relationships allows us to concentrate on....

interdependence

mutual empathy

relational self-confidence/seperate self esteem (autonomy)

constructive conflict

staying engages while in conflict

utilize report and rapport talk

continue dialogue in disagreement

47

T/F

Constructive Conflict is the basis for understanding and communicating

False

Mutual Empathy

48

Individualist Culture

say what you mean and resolve disagreements via power

49

Collectivistic Culture

resolve disagreements via avoidance and acomodation (face saving)

50

Individualistic v Collectivistic "WHY"

Indiv- analytic/linear logic, instrumental oriented, dichotomy of conflict, individual oriented, low-collective expectations violate individuals

Colle- synthetic, spiral logic, expressive-oriented, integration of conflict, group oriented, high-collective expectations, gciolate collective

51

Individualistic v Collectivistic "WHAT"

Indiv-revealment, direct/confrontational attitude

Colle- concealment, indirect/nonconfrontational attitude

52

Individualistic v Collectivistic "HOW"

Indiv- action-soultion, explicit com codes, line-logic style, rational/factual rhetoric, open/direct strategies

Colle- face/relationship, implicit com codes, point-logic style, intuitive/affective rhetoric, ambiguous/indirect strategies

53

Attatchment styles

secure/insecure attatchment to parents that affect conflict resolution abilities in the future

54

T/F

Personal and workplace history teaches us to jump into or avoid conflict

true

55

Worldviews

shape conflict resolution; the cognitive, ethical, and perceptual frames of an individual

56

Negative World Views

widely accepted assumptions

57

Positive Views of Conflict

exciting; intimate; stregnthening; courageous; helpful; enriching; clarifying; stimulating; creative; etc

58

Metaphors

provide descriptions of emotional experiences

59

Conflict Metaphors

reflect and create certain types of communication

60

Danger Metaphors

imply the outcome is predetermined with little possibility for productive conflict management

61

Conflict Narratives

serves to warn pple away from engaging conflicts

62

Intend =/= Impact

impact of someone's actions are interpreted by the other pple involved

63

Attributions

we try to make sense of behavior by looking for causes; attribute causes of our behavior to external but other's causes to themselves

64

Social Learning Theory

learning based on communication and observation

65

What do worldviews help us determine?

What's real/important in the world

How pple/objects are related

what part of the universe is more valuable

how you know what you know

how pple should act

66

T/F

How people should act is part of an ethical worldview

True

67

T/F

Epistemology is know how people and objects are related

False

Epistemology is the worldview of how people should act

68

Negative Views of Conflict

harmony=normal, conflict=abnormal

conflict consititures a breakdown of communication

communication and disagreements are the same

conflict is a result of personal pathology

conflict shouldn't be escalated

conflict should be polite/orderly

anger if the only emotion of conflict

there's a correct method for all conflicts (fight, vote, ligitate, appeal)

69

Advantages/Functions of Conflict

it's a fact of life

brings problems to the table

joins people and clarifies goals

clears out resentments

gain understanding

70

T/F

The way a conflict is metaphorically expressed created a perception of what can/will/should happen and what feelings take place

True

71

Rules of Avoidance systems

conflict doesn't exist; if it does-don't recognize it

Figure out conflict on your own

don't let others know

walk away if it grows

don't raise your voice

snide comments=okay

sulking/silence=good

don't respond and don't express your feelings

72

Rules of Collaborative systems

have mealtime meetings

listen well

deal with people directly

say how you feel and let other do the same

ask for help

interact regularly

dirty tricks aren't allowed

strong feelings=normal and allowed

73

Rules of Aggressive systems

survival of the fittest

be brutally honest

show emotions always

establish your position

have an audience

hold ur ground/don't back off

fight back if attacked

you're weak if you don't engage

74

T/F

Men like connection with others

False

Women like connection with others

75

T/F

Men like autonomy and independence

True

76

Connection with others

communication and care/responsiveness and the preservation of the relationship

77

Autonomy and Independence

communicated in ways that preserve their independence from others

78

Self-in-relationship

everyone effects everyone else

79

Gender Filters

men- state position with logical reasoning

women- depends on gender of oponet

80

cultural filters

must develop to native dominant cultures

81

ethnocentric

pride in own culture

82

T/F

Mental health and overall happiness improve with a constructive conflict process

True

83

Family of Origin

family we are born into (family that socializes us)

84

destructive marital conflict

parents who avoid conflict/engagement in negative cycles of mutual damage influence their childs life

85

Conflicts @ work

85% of pple see conflict at work; our interpersonal conflict is seen at work

86

Unresolved conflict

negative impact that directly affects the people (personal life: drifting from relationships, workplace: low productivity)

87

T/F

Unresolved Conflict is recognizing feelings, motivating ourselves, and managing emotions

False

Emotional Intelligence

88

Prevention

to anticipate, forestall, be ready for an occasion, to deprive of power, hold back or deal with beforehand

89

T/F

Prevention is the core of all conflict analysis

False

Perception

90

Intrapersonal Conflict

internal strain that creates ambilence, conflict internal dialogue, or lack of resolution

91

Interpersonal Conflict

struggle expressed communicatively

92

Intrapersonal perceptions

When communication manifestations of perception creates a conflict

93

T/F

Expressed Struggles are activated by a trigger event

True

(ex: Bob got home and all the locks were changed)

94

Conflict parties

engage in an expressed struggle and interfere with one another b/c their interdependent

95

Interdependent

doesn't have dependence; no special interest in another person, no conflict with other person

96

Strategic Conflicts

conflicts where both pple have choices

97

Conflict

Expressed struggle between people who percieve incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interferences from others in achieving their goals

98

Mutual Interests

thinking how to solve conflicts with benefits

99

Mutual Interdependence

can't say they're not connected if the other fills in

100

When two people are stcuk in unproductive interdepence, it is called _______

Gridlocked Conflict

101

Percieved Incompatible Goals

1. when people want something

2. when people want different things

102

Perceived scarce resouces

in interpersonal struggles, these are power and self esteem; people usually think the other person has more power/self esteem

103

Perceived interference

conflict is associated with blocking and the person doing the blocking is the issue

104

Destructive Conflict

if conflict participants are dissatisfied with outcome and think they've lost

105

Four Horsemen of the apocalypse

criticizing, defensiveness, stonewalling, contempt

106

Critical start-up

first moments of conflict interaction

107

defensive climate

evaluate, control, strategy, neutrality,superiority, certanity

108

supportive climate

provisionalism, equality, empathy, spontaneity, problem solve, description

109

escalatory spiral

relationship circles around to damaging ends; interaction is self-perpetuating; misunderstood discord, destruction

110

avoidance spiral

reduce change for productivity, lessening dependence, less-invested over time

111

Dancy of intimace

spiral of negativity

behavior>perception of relationship>perception of other>behavior>

112

Defensive v Supportive Communication patterns

Defensive /Supportive

evaluation /description

control problem /orientation

manipulation /assertiveness

indifference /empathy

superiority /equality

certainty /provisionalism

113

B.F.E.

behavior, feelings, and effect

not just what you say, but how you say it

114

BFE behavior

description by concerned of other person

115

BFE feelings

concerned person feelings about the other person

116

BFE effect

how behavior effects our feelings/needs

117

When you're in gridlocked conflict you experience....

-feelings of rejection

-unwillingness to buldge

-talking is devoid of humor/amusement/affection

-communication has no changes

-frusturation after talking's over

-you become insulting

-eventual disengagement emotionally/physically

-polarization, extreme, and unwillingness to compromise

118

Benefits of learning effective skills in conflict

improvement of mental health

long-term satisfaction

people around you benefit from your improved skill

119

Advantages of studying organized conflict at work

Employee- get along with coworkers/boss/public, percieved as skilled, prevent workplace conflict

Supervisor- see conflict coming, learn proper responses, get cooperation, help employees solve disputes, teach teams, reduce conflict spread

120

4 Horsemen and how to remedy

Critizing: constructive complaint (puting self higher than partner)

Use "iMsgs"; ask for specific behavoir change

Defensiveness: (lack of engagement)

Create supportive climate

Stonewalling: (feel attacked; withdrawl) ask thoughts not feelings

Take down the stonewall

Contempt: (point out flaws)

Soften contempt

121

Language that creates defensive climates

evaluation>description; control>problem solving; strategy>spontaneity; neutrality>empathy; superior>equal; certainty>provisionalism

122

Avoidance Sprials (BASIC DYNAMICS)

-less direct interaction

-active avoidance of other

-reduce dependence

-harbor resentment/disappointment

-complain to 3rd party

123

T/F

To realign power between people you need to avoid each other.

False

you need to collaborate with each other

124

Dialogue

Speak positive, listen reflect feelings, clarify what you've heard, question when needed, summarize

125

Ways of balancing power between two people

dialogue, restraint, focus on interdependence, calm persistence, stay engaged, empowerment, metacommunication

126

Calm Persistence

Identify individuals by name and ask for them when calling back, stay pleasant and calm, follow rules, write memos summarizing what you want, list steps and let others know them, avoid taking frusturation out on lower people, escalate only reluctantly

127

Stay Engaged

speak up and present stregnths/weaknesses, clarify beliefs values priorities and keep behavior congruent, stay emotionally connected even when tense, state difference and let others do the same

128

T/F

"I" statements acknowledge the other person

True

129

3 levels of conflicts

1. problems with specific behavior

2. concerns coordination of relation norms (not knowing these may also cause conflict)

3. regards personal characteristics/attitudes

130

T/F

Conflict brings danger and opportunity

True

131

Epistemology

how you know what you know

132

Ethical worldview

how people should act

133

T/F

Goals never change during the conflict

False

they can change in conflict

134

Interpersonal power

ability to influence a partner in any context b/c of control/percieved control