Ch 9 Attraction
feelings of intimacy and affection for those with whom our lives are intertwined
feelings of intense longing and arousal
Evolutionary Explanations of Love
explains in terms of genetic factors that evolved over time according to the principles of natural selection. Men and women are attracted to different characteristics in each other because this maximizes their reproductive success.
Fearful/avoidant attachment style
hard to get close to this style b/c the are uncomfortable becoming close to others, found it difficult to trust others, and don’t feel deserving of love
anxious/ambivalent attachment style
desperate to be in a relationship, but, at the same time, are terrified of rejection over controlling fear of being left.
no prob trusting others
Dismissive attachment style
positive attitude of self (feel deserving of love), but dismiss others as being not good enough
Social exchange theory
argues that how satisfied people feel in their relationships depends on their assessment of the reward/cost ratio in their relationship.
the outcomes they feel they deserve in relationships
comparison level for alternatives
their expectations about how happy they would be in other relationships or alone
Rusbult investment model of close relationship
to predict whether a relationship will last, we need to know each person’s level of satisfaction (rewards, costs, comparison lvl), comparison level for alternatives, investment in the relationship equals relationship commitment leading to the stability of relationship
states that we are happiest when relationships are fair—when what we contribute is comparable with what our partner contributes.
The Role of Positive Illusions
The more we idealize our partner, the greater our satisfaction with a relationship and the more likely that the relationship will endure.
qualities in a person that once were attractive become the very qualities that repel, and sheer boredom.
refers to feeling close to the other person (emo/physically get us)
refers to feelings of romantic attraction, physical attraction to the other person, and sexual interest. ( e.g.heart-ponding, want to kiss)
It refers to a decision for the relationship, high commitment means less attracted to alts, more resilient to problems, more forgiving
sides can be different sizes depending on the relationship and people involved
Relationships governed by the need for equity (i.e., for a comparable ratio of rewards and costs)
Relationships in which people’s primary concern is being responsive to the other person’s needs
Idealizes relationship to fantasies in which we convince ourselves that we have the most wonderful partner and the most wonderful relationship in the world
STUDY Murray and Holmes (1999) Positive illusion
over time people began to live up to the idealized image their partner had of them. Stated differently, individuals who idealized their partners ultimately created the partners they wished for.